Our youngest boy August-Grace is turning one. As this major life milestone approaches its inevitable that I feel a mixture of emotions both happy & sad. I am exploding with excitement yet like most mothers can relate, I am finding the infancy to toddler transition tough. What I didn’t expect however was to feel profoundly sad that my eldest son, Ryder-Leo, is well and truly a big-boy now. Sad, sad-happy, happy-sad, whatever you want to call it, I caught feelings.
Where did my baby go?
Reflecting on so many beautiful memories I’ve shared with RL led me to this post. Flashback to his very first birthday where going by some of the pics its easy to assume it was ‘Superman’ inspired. Contrary to the colour theme and in typical ‘Leo’ style theres more than meets the eye, so much more.
P.S I may or may not be crying writing this post. Sad, sad-happy, happy-sad tears.
If I am being honest, saying your son who’s a mere infant saved your life sounds pretty selfish. Its my duty as a mother to have my shit together. My shit wasn’t together, it was smeared all over the show and I was broken. They were difficult times. You could say when RL was born I was at a climax of despair. Without diving into a past that now feels so foreign and distant from me, insight to my circumstances then may offer better clarity. Motherhood however waits for no woman, and my journey raising this beautiful boy had begun, ready or not.
Being a mum definitively altered my life, this bought about a change in me, for the better. Ive always felt different to my peers, even a little disconnected to the world. RL changed all that. I care about the world we live in and what we can do to make it better, I care about people and humanity because this is the world he will be raised in. In wanting the best for my son is wanting the best for others, for the community in which we are a part, the world we live in. Before RL I couldn’t see beyond myself and suddenly all that mattered was him. In realising how important he was I began to understand how meaningful my own existence was. I was necessary, needed. And just like that, I was online with the world again, reconnected.
|The Red Sun, 1950, By Joan Miró – Used as design inspiration for Ryder-Leo’s 1st birthday party.|
You may remember my Baby Gender Reveal and how I chose my theme. When it comes to creating my own design aesthetic I generally like to draw inspiration from a piece of art. RL’s first birthday theme was inspired by a body of work composed by Joan Miró, an influential artist from the 20th century. It wasn’t just the superman-like colours that hit home with my belief that my little boy was my hero, but the ideology behind Miró’s paintings to ‘rediscover the sources of human feeling’ that I really resonated with. Miró’s work reminded me how motherhood led me on my own journey of self discovery. How motherhood inevitably stirred enough emotion within me to feel alive again.
I have really enjoyed winding back the hands of time and sharing with you all such an important and significant moment of my life.
Now back to the party planning. Can you believe August-Grace is one soon?
Aye, yai, yai!